Yesterday morning I opened the front door to unlock the screen door. Something scary was on the screen door handle, but I wasn't exactly sure what it was. It looked like it might have been a locust shell, but not quite. I shut the front door and left it alone for a while.
Not long after, I opened to door again to check it. I was going to use a shoe to knock it off the handle, then go on about my business. It had moved to a different spot, still near the handle. Ugh! It was a big, fat, ugly spider! I would've guessed its body to be about a half-inch by three-quarters. I shuddered and whimpered about what I needed to do. Then I shut the front door again and went to get the large can of Black Flag insecticide.
Jacob had woken up by this time and was sitting on the couch watching all the goings-on. "What are you doing?"
"I've got to kill a really big spider." I shuddered again. Chills ran up my spine and down my arms. I took the cap off and took aim from as close as I dared to get. I soaked that spider! It started moving, but it didn't die. I fired again and again and again. (No joking!) Still, it stayed there.
Finally I got brave enough and hit at it with a shoe. I missed it, but got enough of its web to make it fall. Dropping the shoe, I squealed quietly and danced around and shuddered. Jacob was getting a kick out of all this, sitting there safely on the couch. I grabbed the shoe again. This time I hit it, dropping the shoe again in the process.
The spider curled up, tangled in its dangling web, and swung back and forth. I squealed and danced and shuddered some more. My arms were covered with chill bumps, but they were fiery-feeling, not cold.
Jacob asked me, "Did you kill it yet?" Then he joined me in my stare-fest. I was trying to decide what to do next.
About that time, Caleb came walking around the corner. He saw the can of bug spray on the floor and asked what I was doing. I pointed out the dead spider to him, and he joined us in watching it sway back and forth. I shuddered again, but my squealing and dancing were done.
We stood and watched for about a minute or so, then I grabbed the shoe once more and used it to flip the latch on the screen door, unlocking it for later that afternoon when Billy came home. The spider, still curled up, hung there.
I considered opening the door and knocking it outside, but I had used up all the bravery I had. I decided Billy could knock it off when he got home. (He did.) Caleb decided he would check the day's temperature on weather.com instead of our outdoor thermometer, which is right outside that door.
This morning, when I went to open the door again, I was extra cautious. I shuddered and fiery chills ran up my back and down my arms again. I breathed a sigh of relief when I saw there was no spider clinging to the handle of the screen door. I casually flipped the lock and closed the front door again.
A little later it was math time. Caleb was also cautious. He wouldn't open the door himself, but called me to do it. I told him I had already checked, that there was no spider on the handle. I opened the door and started to step out.
There was another big, fat, ugly spider! It was hanging in the center of its web, built on the side of the front "porch" between the bricks and the post where our thermometer hangs. I shuddered and those fiery chills swept through me again. Ugh! This time I left it alone. My bravery hadn't recovered from the day before. I shut and locked the front door. Caleb check the temperature on weather.com again.
I've peeked out the window several times, and every time that big, fat, ugly spider has been hanging there, waiting... And I shudder and get the fiery chills.